ALIENS - ITS PROBING TIME

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,920 Aliens UFOs are real. 2 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,440 Yes, the moon is hollowed. 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:16,440 The earth is hollowed. 4 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:22,100 Did you know in like 19 whatever, like we hit something on the moon and it rang like 5 00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:25,240 a bell for like 30 minutes nonstop. 6 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:26,240 Earth is hollow. 7 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,240 Earth is flat. 8 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:28,240 Ice walls. 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,240 F**king trolls. 10 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,240 They're everywhere. 11 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,240 I'm joking. 12 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,240 I'm joking. 13 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,240 Aliens. 14 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:35,240 Aliens. 15 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,800 Yes, they're probing people. 16 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,000 They like butts. 17 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,440 Aliens. 18 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,360 Little green people. 19 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,760 Big gray people. 20 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:47,760 Flying saucers. 21 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,640 Flying bulls. 22 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:53,800 Mother f**king aliens. 23 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,240 You're a smart motherf**ker. 24 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,560 How can you explain the crop circles? 25 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,120 How does corn lay down? 26 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,120 Why? 27 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,000 Why do you never hear about other corn shapes? 28 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,760 Why are they so obsessed with corn? 29 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:09,760 Do they want popcorn? 30 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,680 Are they after our culture? 31 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:12,860 Our women? 32 00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:15,240 Why do you only ever hear about corn circles? 33 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,960 Why are there never like any other corn shapes? 34 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:18,960 Triangles. 35 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,960 No, the rhombus. 36 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,320 Why do you never hear about corn rhombuses? 37 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:26,160 Or corn pentagons? 38 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,600 Pentagons? 39 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,720 Because it's a cover up. 40 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:33,120 The government doesn't want us to know about the pentagons except for the actual governmental 41 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,480 pentagon. 42 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:35,480 Corn octahedrons. 43 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,480 Yeah. 44 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:42,600 Oh wait, that's a three dimensional shape. 45 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:43,600 Dinosaurs are fake. 46 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,960 It was all a cover up. 47 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:51,560 The skeletons you see in the national museums are fake. 48 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,160 Corn squares. 49 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,680 That just kind of sounds like a party. 50 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,320 I don't know. 51 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,320 Sounds like a shitty... 52 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:58,520 Come on down to corn square. 53 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,280 Kind of sounds like a shitty cereal. 54 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,280 Corn squares. 55 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,280 What are we even like... 56 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,280 What are we even talking about? 57 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:06,280 Why? 58 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:23,640 Is it because circles are like the superior shape? 59 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:29,160 So depending on who you believe... 60 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,160 Crop square. 61 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,080 It wasn't corn circles. 62 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,000 They're crop circles. 63 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,280 Why do you never hear about other crop shapes? 64 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:42,160 It's supposedly because they put a rod in the center and you have a guy with like a 65 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:49,520 piece of rope and a two by four and they go around in a circle stamping down the crops 66 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,600 and that's why it's a circle. 67 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,560 Depending on who you talk to. 68 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:58,640 Doug Bauer claims he was behind the first hoaxed crop circles in Britain. 69 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:07,200 All they needed to flatten the corn was a plank and a rope. 70 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:11,160 So wait, so people go out of their way to do crop circles? 71 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,160 Oh yeah, there's a... 72 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,000 To look like alien crop circles? 73 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,700 There's a whole documentary on like people that just like go around and just actually 74 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:21,560 do crop circles and then laugh when everyone freaks out. 75 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:22,800 I love that actually. 76 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:32,040 Or are they government hired workers to make you think that it's all fake? 77 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,040 That... 78 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,040 That... 79 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,040 What... 80 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,040 What... 81 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,040 What... 82 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,040 Was not human. 83 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,040 I know. 84 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,040 Well, looks like you got some entrails on you there pal. 85 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:47,120 Where do I sign up to just quit everything I'm doing so I can help other people do crop 86 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,120 circles? 87 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,320 I think that's like govjobs.gov. 88 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,320 Oh, okay. 89 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,600 Well, let me put my input on aliens. 90 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,000 Aliens are totally real. 91 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:04,120 The moon landing was fake and also Lance Armstrong is an alien. 92 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,120 Lance... 93 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,120 Lance... 94 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:12,680 Lance Armstrong is related to Bill Armstrong? 95 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,500 I don't even know if Lance Armstrong is the astronaut. 96 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:23,280 I think that is like a bicyclist, Olympian bicyclist, if I'm because of those Livestrong 97 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,280 bands. 98 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,760 Oh wait, no, what's the Armstrong's name? 99 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,520 Who was the first guy on the moon? 100 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:29,520 Neil. 101 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,520 Neil Armstrong. 102 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,520 Neil Armstrong. 103 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,360 Is he related to Lance Armstrong? 104 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,440 I don't know, but they're both aliens. 105 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,480 So you meant to say Neil Armstrong. 106 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,460 No, I meant to say Lance Armstrong. 107 00:04:41,460 --> 00:04:47,600 He has innate crazy bicycling abilities making him an alien. 108 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,360 And there's only one moon. 109 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:54,980 Lance Armstrong has one testicle. 110 00:04:54,980 --> 00:05:00,560 Why do we only see one side of the moon if only there was a subject that would explain 111 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:05,440 it like science or something, something that's guarded by the government? 112 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:13,600 So why, if outer space is not water, why does NASA train in a pool? 113 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,080 The tides, how do they work? 114 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,840 I think they explain that in Yu-Gi-Oh! 115 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,140 How do the tides work? 116 00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:22,400 Tide goes in, tide goes out. 117 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,880 Never miscommunication. 118 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,680 You can't explain that. 119 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,860 Really though? 120 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:33,680 We do not know enough about the universe and about other planets to deny the fact that 121 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,120 other species of life live out there. 122 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:42,840 Well, what if they fight another planet and it's just a carbon copy of ours and life developed 123 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:43,840 the same way? 124 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:48,480 There's humans, there's dolphins, there's foxy turtles. 125 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:54,200 But instead of it being exactly like us, everything is kind of opposite. 126 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,360 It would be us, but instead of us being right handed, we'd be left handed. 127 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,160 And fire trucks are blue. 128 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,840 And then instead of green lights, they have red lights that are go. 129 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,720 And green light means stop. 130 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,600 So we have a few different things. 131 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:11,880 One there's like parallel dimensions where like literally every single possible reality 132 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:12,880 is a reality. 133 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:13,880 I'm not your husband. 134 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,880 I'm another version of him from another universe. 135 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,480 I'm here because we need your help. 136 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,480 Very busy today. 137 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,480 A whole time to help you. 138 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:29,520 Then you have the mathematician side of things where if the universe is expanding in all 139 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,520 directions forever, it's a dawn of time. 140 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:39,120 Then that technically means that there is a statistically there has to be. 141 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,680 Yeah, there has to be there has to be other life out there. 142 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:46,560 However, we actually talked about this in our physics class. 143 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,840 So you have the Big Bang. 144 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:54,520 I forgot how far away we were from the Big Bang. 145 00:06:54,520 --> 00:07:03,240 And if we did encounter life that was more or that was closer to the Big Bang than we 146 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:08,720 were, meaning that their civilization is older than ours. 147 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:15,000 So picture a civilization that was a billion year, like a billion light years away from 148 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,160 us, but closer to the Big Bang. 149 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,760 If they are still alive, that means most likely they've probably like traveled and conquered 150 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,280 other planets. 151 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:32,160 Plus their science and their technology would be so I mean, there are a billion years ahead 152 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,160 of ahead of us. 153 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,760 So it would look like magic to us. 154 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,320 Like we would not stand a chance. 155 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:42,200 Like the only chance that we would have would actually be like they just want to help us. 156 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,920 And if they're going out and they're conquering other planets to survive, it wouldn't actually 157 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,080 be good for us. 158 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,400 So nope. 159 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,720 We were the aliens all along. 160 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,080 We are aliens. 161 00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,640 We were seated on this planet by the engineers from a different galaxy. 162 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,440 Oh my God, there's a viewer out there with their tinfoil hat. 163 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,000 They're like, I agree with everything you're saying. 164 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,480 I mean, it's a it's a movie plot of aliens. 165 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,520 Oh, never seen Prometheus. 166 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,520 Prometheus. 167 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,160 That's actually what I was talking about. 168 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,160 Oh, yeah. 169 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,160 That's a good movie. 170 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,160 Yeah. 171 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,640 It's based on a true story. 172 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,020 How how are my shoes made of algae? 173 00:08:23,020 --> 00:08:25,560 How did they get off of your feet? 174 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,720 What do my feet look like? 175 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,160 Aliens are real. 176 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:33,320 You don't know that. 177 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,800 NASA is not there to discover the truth. 178 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,760 They're a governmental agency designed to deceive us. 179 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,480 All of them are on a payroll to deny alien activity. 180 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,440 All of them, all hundreds of thousands of them. 181 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:51,640 Somehow we just keep making more money to pay off all the scientists. 182 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,280 Those little men that you thought were prodding you last night. 183 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,440 That was an alien. 184 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,520 That was me. 185 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,560 I am the little men probing you. 186 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:08,480 I just hope if we do get invaded by aliens that they don't want anything to do with our 187 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,480 buttholes. 188 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,200 Why are you going to fucking annihilate us, dude? 189 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,200 Our buttholes? 190 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,800 Yo, fuck nuts. 191 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:18,800 It's probing time. 192 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:19,800 Yeah, starting with our buttholes. 193 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,300 But why did that? 194 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:24,300 Why did it start with that? 195 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,600 Why when we're like aliens exist? 196 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,200 Oh, they're after our buttholes. 197 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:34,640 Yeah, what became the common thing like, oh, no, I got abducted by aliens and then I woke 198 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,040 up the next day and my ass hurt. 199 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,680 So why did they remember aliens would hide things in our asses? 200 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,560 Don't they know things that go in there come out? 201 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:49,760 The only thing I could think of is if you're probing something and you don't want them 202 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:56,600 to remember or have like signs of like puncture wounds or anything, you would have to go through 203 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,440 like some sort of orifice. 204 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:04,360 So they're like, oh, we're going to go through the biggest one, the anus. 205 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,360 The one that they don't breathe out of. 206 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,360 Yeah. 207 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,640 The one that when they are on mouth holes really close to our eyes. 208 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,640 Yeah. 209 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:16,200 When they wake up, they'll be like, oh, did someone take advantage of my butt last night? 210 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,120 Yeah, they didn't really think that one through. 211 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,840 Yeah, so they were just hoping that, oh, they'll just wake up. 212 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:22,840 They were drunk. 213 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:23,840 Their butthole hurt. 214 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,960 Yeah, they'll just they'll try to not think about it. 215 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,680 They'll repress it because like, oh, I didn't do anything gay last night. 216 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:33,680 Aliens that that's kind of smart. 217 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,680 I think we're onto something. 218 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,840 Yeah. 219 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:41,280 How many like trial and error like sessions do you think they went through? 220 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:45,400 Like, yeah, we found out that putting the probe in their shoulder. 221 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,240 They had they found it. 222 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:52,600 I think they just probably like watched our society and they're like, man, they're homophobic 223 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,840 as fuck. 224 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:54,840 Watch this. 225 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,840 Put it in their ass. 226 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:56,840 Put it in their ass. 227 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,520 They only get guys and put it in their ass. 228 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:00,720 They'll never look there. 229 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:04,120 They're not even going to complain if they if they wake up with a sore asshole. 230 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,480 They won't even go to a doctor. 231 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,160 They're not going to talk about it. 232 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,880 They won't even they won't even discuss that with a loved one. 233 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:14,320 No, too gay. 234 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:19,000 They got like all the green lights from like their alien superiors are like, yep, do it. 235 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,000 Sounds good. 236 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,000 Perfect. 237 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,360 All right. 238 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:27,840 Did we even want to talk about the actual alien news? 239 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:33,600 Who is the guy who's talking about alien shit? 240 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,080 Yeah, his name is David Grouch. 241 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,080 OK. 242 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:41,640 And apparently he's like, I got information on aliens. 243 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:48,160 Do you believe our government has made contact with intelligent extraterrestrials? 244 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,400 Something I can't discuss in public setting. 245 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,400 Nikki, what someone who is from the military? 246 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,200 Hi, I'm from the military. 247 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,200 My name's Nikki. 248 00:11:56,200 --> 00:12:00,840 Wouldn't it be still like a very huge offense? 249 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:05,360 Like even though he's not sharing the evidence, like him just like talking about the subject, 250 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,920 like, oh, yes, like they are among us. 251 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,440 Like, oh, it's top secret clearance. 252 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:14,720 So I can't I can't share the proof, but I'm going to share like the header of the documents. 253 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:22,480 If you if our government was trying to hide the fact that aliens existed and somebody 254 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:29,920 that truly knew something was eluding to aliens, they would have already disappeared by now. 255 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:38,920 Like they wouldn't just let this guy if the US was truly trying to like conceal aliens. 256 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,960 As I've stated publicly already in my News Nation interview, biologics came with some 257 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:43,960 of these recoveries. 258 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:44,960 Yeah. 259 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,880 Were they, I guess, human or nonhuman biologics? 260 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,440 Nonhuman and that was the assessment of people with direct knowledge on the program I talked 261 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,200 to that are currently still on the program. 262 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:59,520 I feel like if it was true and if he did have evidence, I feel like the US government would 263 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,040 have already probed his ass. 264 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,040 I mean, I mean, eliminated. 265 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:08,840 He probably does that on his own. 266 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:14,760 And his own personal time. 267 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:15,760 They do exist. 268 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,760 He does exist. 269 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,760 Do exist. 270 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,920 Santa. 271 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:25,920 The answer. 272 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,840 The answer is out there. 273 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:29,840 In there. 274 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,400 The answer is up in there. 275 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,760 I got to just dig around and find it. 276 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:42,040 Coming soon, the official unnatural to some T-shirt line featuring classics such as the 277 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,800 answers in there. 278 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:50,680 Probe your ass. 279 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,360 More to follow. 280 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,840 Famous lines like, dude, that's interesting. 281 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:57,840 That's interesting. 282 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,840 Has to be on a shirt. 283 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,840 Words like typically. 284 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:03,840 Typically. 285 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:11,720 Motherfucking aliens.