ALIENS - ITS PROBING TIME

100:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,920Aliens UFOs are real.200:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,440Yes, the moon is hollowed.300:00:15,440 --> 00:00:16,440The earth is hollowed.400:00:16,440 --> 00:00:22,100Did you know in like 19 whatever, like we hit something on the moon and it rang like500:00:22,100 --> 00:00:25,240a bell for like 30 minutes nonstop.600:00:25,240 --> 00:00:26,240Earth is hollow.700:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,240Earth is flat.800:00:27,240 --> 00:00:28,240Ice walls.900:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,240F**king trolls.1000:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,240They're everywhere.1100:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,240I'm joking.1200:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,240I'm joking.1300:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,240Aliens.1400:00:34,240 --> 00:00:35,240Aliens.1500:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,800Yes, they're probing people.1600:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,000They like butts.1700:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,440Aliens.1800:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,360Little green people.1900:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,760Big gray people.2000:00:46,760 --> 00:00:47,760Flying saucers.2100:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,640Flying bulls.2200:00:49,640 --> 00:00:53,800Mother f**king aliens.2300:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,240You're a smart motherf**ker.2400:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,560How can you explain the crop circles?2500:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,120How does corn lay down?2600:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,120Why?2700:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,000Why do you never hear about other corn shapes?2800:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,760Why are they so obsessed with corn?2900:01:08,760 --> 00:01:09,760Do they want popcorn?3000:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,680Are they after our culture?3100:01:11,680 --> 00:01:12,860Our women?3200:01:12,860 --> 00:01:15,240Why do you only ever hear about corn circles?3300:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,960Why are there never like any other corn shapes?3400:01:17,960 --> 00:01:18,960Triangles.3500:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,960No, the rhombus.3600:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,320Why do you never hear about corn rhombuses?3700:01:23,320 --> 00:01:26,160Or corn pentagons?3800:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,600Pentagons?3900:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,720Because it's a cover up.4000:01:28,720 --> 00:01:33,120The government doesn't want us to know about the pentagons except for the actual governmental4100:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,480pentagon.4200:01:34,480 --> 00:01:35,480Corn octahedrons.4300:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,480Yeah.4400:01:36,480 --> 00:01:42,600Oh wait, that's a three dimensional shape.4500:01:42,600 --> 00:01:43,600Dinosaurs are fake.4600:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,960It was all a cover up.4700:01:45,960 --> 00:01:51,560The skeletons you see in the national museums are fake.4800:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,160Corn squares.4900:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,680That just kind of sounds like a party.5000:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,320I don't know.5100:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,320Sounds like a shitty...5200:01:57,320 --> 00:01:58,520Come on down to corn square.5300:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,280Kind of sounds like a shitty cereal.5400:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,280Corn squares.5500:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,280What are we even like...5600:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,280What are we even talking about?5700:02:05,280 --> 00:02:06,280Why?5800:02:06,280 --> 00:02:23,640Is it because circles are like the superior shape?5900:02:23,640 --> 00:02:29,160So depending on who you believe...6000:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,160Crop square.6100:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,080It wasn't corn circles.6200:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,000They're crop circles.6300:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,280Why do you never hear about other crop shapes?6400:02:37,280 --> 00:02:42,160It's supposedly because they put a rod in the center and you have a guy with like a6500:02:42,160 --> 00:02:49,520piece of rope and a two by four and they go around in a circle stamping down the crops6600:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,600and that's why it's a circle.6700:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,560Depending on who you talk to.6800:02:53,560 --> 00:02:58,640Doug Bauer claims he was behind the first hoaxed crop circles in Britain.6900:02:58,640 --> 00:03:07,200All they needed to flatten the corn was a plank and a rope.7000:03:07,200 --> 00:03:11,160So wait, so people go out of their way to do crop circles?7100:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,160Oh yeah, there's a...7200:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,000To look like alien crop circles?7300:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,700There's a whole documentary on like people that just like go around and just actually7400:03:17,700 --> 00:03:21,560do crop circles and then laugh when everyone freaks out.7500:03:21,560 --> 00:03:22,800I love that actually.7600:03:22,800 --> 00:03:32,040Or are they government hired workers to make you think that it's all fake?7700:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,040That...7800:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,040That...7900:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,040What...8000:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,040What...8100:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,040What...8200:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,040Was not human.8300:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,040I know.8400:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,040Well, looks like you got some entrails on you there pal.8500:03:40,040 --> 00:03:47,120Where do I sign up to just quit everything I'm doing so I can help other people do crop8600:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,120circles?8700:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,320I think that's like govjobs.gov.8800:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,320Oh, okay.8900:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,600Well, let me put my input on aliens.9000:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,000Aliens are totally real.9100:03:57,000 --> 00:04:04,120The moon landing was fake and also Lance Armstrong is an alien.9200:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,120Lance...9300:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,120Lance...9400:04:06,120 --> 00:04:12,680Lance Armstrong is related to Bill Armstrong?9500:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,500I don't even know if Lance Armstrong is the astronaut.9600:04:16,500 --> 00:04:23,280I think that is like a bicyclist, Olympian bicyclist, if I'm because of those Livestrong9700:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,280bands.9800:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,760Oh wait, no, what's the Armstrong's name?9900:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,520Who was the first guy on the moon?10000:04:28,520 --> 00:04:29,520Neil.10100:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,520Neil Armstrong.10200:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,520Neil Armstrong.10300:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,360Is he related to Lance Armstrong?10400:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,440I don't know, but they're both aliens.10500:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,480So you meant to say Neil Armstrong.10600:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,460No, I meant to say Lance Armstrong.10700:04:41,460 --> 00:04:47,600He has innate crazy bicycling abilities making him an alien.10800:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,360And there's only one moon.10900:04:50,360 --> 00:04:54,980Lance Armstrong has one testicle.11000:04:54,980 --> 00:05:00,560Why do we only see one side of the moon if only there was a subject that would explain11100:05:00,560 --> 00:05:05,440it like science or something, something that's guarded by the government?11200:05:05,440 --> 00:05:13,600So why, if outer space is not water, why does NASA train in a pool?11300:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,080The tides, how do they work?11400:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,840I think they explain that in Yu-Gi-Oh!11500:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,140How do the tides work?11600:05:21,140 --> 00:05:22,400Tide goes in, tide goes out.11700:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,880Never miscommunication.11800:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,680You can't explain that.11900:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,860Really though?12000:05:27,860 --> 00:05:33,680We do not know enough about the universe and about other planets to deny the fact that12100:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,120other species of life live out there.12200:05:37,120 --> 00:05:42,840Well, what if they fight another planet and it's just a carbon copy of ours and life developed12300:05:42,840 --> 00:05:43,840the same way?12400:05:43,840 --> 00:05:48,480There's humans, there's dolphins, there's foxy turtles.12500:05:48,480 --> 00:05:54,200But instead of it being exactly like us, everything is kind of opposite.12600:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,360It would be us, but instead of us being right handed, we'd be left handed.12700:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,160And fire trucks are blue.12800:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,840And then instead of green lights, they have red lights that are go.12900:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,720And green light means stop.13000:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,600So we have a few different things.13100:06:06,600 --> 00:06:11,880One there's like parallel dimensions where like literally every single possible reality13200:06:11,880 --> 00:06:12,880is a reality.13300:06:12,880 --> 00:06:13,880I'm not your husband.13400:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,880I'm another version of him from another universe.13500:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,480I'm here because we need your help.13600:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,480Very busy today.13700:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,480A whole time to help you.13800:06:22,480 --> 00:06:29,520Then you have the mathematician side of things where if the universe is expanding in all13900:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,520directions forever, it's a dawn of time.14000:06:33,520 --> 00:06:39,120Then that technically means that there is a statistically there has to be.14100:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,680Yeah, there has to be there has to be other life out there.14200:06:41,680 --> 00:06:46,560However, we actually talked about this in our physics class.14300:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,840So you have the Big Bang.14400:06:48,840 --> 00:06:54,520I forgot how far away we were from the Big Bang.14500:06:54,520 --> 00:07:03,240And if we did encounter life that was more or that was closer to the Big Bang than we14600:07:03,240 --> 00:07:08,720were, meaning that their civilization is older than ours.14700:07:08,720 --> 00:07:15,000So picture a civilization that was a billion year, like a billion light years away from14800:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,160us, but closer to the Big Bang.14900:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,760If they are still alive, that means most likely they've probably like traveled and conquered15000:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,280other planets.15100:07:25,280 --> 00:07:32,160Plus their science and their technology would be so I mean, there are a billion years ahead15200:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,160of ahead of us.15300:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,760So it would look like magic to us.15400:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,320Like we would not stand a chance.15500:07:36,320 --> 00:07:42,200Like the only chance that we would have would actually be like they just want to help us.15600:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,920And if they're going out and they're conquering other planets to survive, it wouldn't actually15700:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,080be good for us.15800:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,400So nope.15900:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,720We were the aliens all along.16000:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,080We are aliens.16100:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,640We were seated on this planet by the engineers from a different galaxy.16200:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,440Oh my God, there's a viewer out there with their tinfoil hat.16300:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,000They're like, I agree with everything you're saying.16400:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,480I mean, it's a it's a movie plot of aliens.16500:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,520Oh, never seen Prometheus.16600:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,520Prometheus.16700:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,160That's actually what I was talking about.16800:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,160Oh, yeah.16900:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,160That's a good movie.17000:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,160Yeah.17100:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,640It's based on a true story.17200:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,020How how are my shoes made of algae?17300:08:23,020 --> 00:08:25,560How did they get off of your feet?17400:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,720What do my feet look like?17500:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,160Aliens are real.17600:08:29,160 --> 00:08:33,320You don't know that.17700:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,800NASA is not there to discover the truth.17800:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,760They're a governmental agency designed to deceive us.17900:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,480All of them are on a payroll to deny alien activity.18000:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,440All of them, all hundreds of thousands of them.18100:08:47,440 --> 00:08:51,640Somehow we just keep making more money to pay off all the scientists.18200:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,280Those little men that you thought were prodding you last night.18300:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,440That was an alien.18400:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,520That was me.18500:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,560I am the little men probing you.18600:09:04,560 --> 00:09:08,480I just hope if we do get invaded by aliens that they don't want anything to do with our18700:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,480buttholes.18800:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,200Why are you going to fucking annihilate us, dude?18900:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,200Our buttholes?19000:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,800Yo, fuck nuts.19100:09:17,800 --> 00:09:18,800It's probing time.19200:09:18,800 --> 00:09:19,800Yeah, starting with our buttholes.19300:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,300But why did that?19400:09:23,300 --> 00:09:24,300Why did it start with that?19500:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,600Why when we're like aliens exist?19600:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,200Oh, they're after our buttholes.19700:09:29,200 --> 00:09:34,640Yeah, what became the common thing like, oh, no, I got abducted by aliens and then I woke19800:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,040up the next day and my ass hurt.19900:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,680So why did they remember aliens would hide things in our asses?20000:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,560Don't they know things that go in there come out?20100:09:44,560 --> 00:09:49,760The only thing I could think of is if you're probing something and you don't want them20200:09:49,760 --> 00:09:56,600to remember or have like signs of like puncture wounds or anything, you would have to go through20300:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,440like some sort of orifice.20400:09:59,440 --> 00:10:04,360So they're like, oh, we're going to go through the biggest one, the anus.20500:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,360The one that they don't breathe out of.20600:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,360Yeah.20700:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,640The one that when they are on mouth holes really close to our eyes.20800:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,640Yeah.20900:10:11,640 --> 00:10:16,200When they wake up, they'll be like, oh, did someone take advantage of my butt last night?21000:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,120Yeah, they didn't really think that one through.21100:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,840Yeah, so they were just hoping that, oh, they'll just wake up.21200:10:21,840 --> 00:10:22,840They were drunk.21300:10:22,840 --> 00:10:23,840Their butthole hurt.21400:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,960Yeah, they'll just they'll try to not think about it.21500:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,680They'll repress it because like, oh, I didn't do anything gay last night.21600:10:30,680 --> 00:10:33,680Aliens that that's kind of smart.21700:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,680I think we're onto something.21800:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,840Yeah.21900:10:36,840 --> 00:10:41,280How many like trial and error like sessions do you think they went through?22000:10:41,280 --> 00:10:45,400Like, yeah, we found out that putting the probe in their shoulder.22100:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,240They had they found it.22200:10:48,240 --> 00:10:52,600I think they just probably like watched our society and they're like, man, they're homophobic22300:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,840as fuck.22400:10:53,840 --> 00:10:54,840Watch this.22500:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,840Put it in their ass.22600:10:55,840 --> 00:10:56,840Put it in their ass.22700:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,520They only get guys and put it in their ass.22800:10:59,520 --> 00:11:00,720They'll never look there.22900:11:00,720 --> 00:11:04,120They're not even going to complain if they if they wake up with a sore asshole.23000:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,480They won't even go to a doctor.23100:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,160They're not going to talk about it.23200:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,880They won't even they won't even discuss that with a loved one.23300:11:10,880 --> 00:11:14,320No, too gay.23400:11:14,320 --> 00:11:19,000They got like all the green lights from like their alien superiors are like, yep, do it.23500:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,000Sounds good.23600:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,000Perfect.23700:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,360All right.23800:11:23,360 --> 00:11:27,840Did we even want to talk about the actual alien news?23900:11:27,840 --> 00:11:33,600Who is the guy who's talking about alien shit?24000:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,080Yeah, his name is David Grouch.24100:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,080OK.24200:11:37,080 --> 00:11:41,640And apparently he's like, I got information on aliens.24300:11:41,640 --> 00:11:48,160Do you believe our government has made contact with intelligent extraterrestrials?24400:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,400Something I can't discuss in public setting.24500:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,400Nikki, what someone who is from the military?24600:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,200Hi, I'm from the military.24700:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,200My name's Nikki.24800:11:56,200 --> 00:12:00,840Wouldn't it be still like a very huge offense?24900:12:00,840 --> 00:12:05,360Like even though he's not sharing the evidence, like him just like talking about the subject,25000:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,920like, oh, yes, like they are among us.25100:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,440Like, oh, it's top secret clearance.25200:12:09,440 --> 00:12:14,720So I can't I can't share the proof, but I'm going to share like the header of the documents.25300:12:14,720 --> 00:12:22,480If you if our government was trying to hide the fact that aliens existed and somebody25400:12:22,480 --> 00:12:29,920that truly knew something was eluding to aliens, they would have already disappeared by now.25500:12:29,920 --> 00:12:38,920Like they wouldn't just let this guy if the US was truly trying to like conceal aliens.25600:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,960As I've stated publicly already in my News Nation interview, biologics came with some25700:12:42,960 --> 00:12:43,960of these recoveries.25800:12:43,960 --> 00:12:44,960Yeah.25900:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,880Were they, I guess, human or nonhuman biologics?26000:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,440Nonhuman and that was the assessment of people with direct knowledge on the program I talked26100:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,200to that are currently still on the program.26200:12:54,200 --> 00:12:59,520I feel like if it was true and if he did have evidence, I feel like the US government would26300:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,040have already probed his ass.26400:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,040I mean, I mean, eliminated.26500:13:04,040 --> 00:13:08,840He probably does that on his own.26600:13:08,840 --> 00:13:14,760And his own personal time.26700:13:14,760 --> 00:13:15,760They do exist.26800:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,760He does exist.26900:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,760Do exist.27000:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,920Santa.27100:13:24,920 --> 00:13:25,920The answer.27200:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,840The answer is out there.27300:13:28,840 --> 00:13:29,840In there.27400:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,400The answer is up in there.27500:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,760I got to just dig around and find it.27600:13:34,760 --> 00:13:42,040Coming soon, the official unnatural to some T-shirt line featuring classics such as the27700:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,800answers in there.27800:13:45,800 --> 00:13:50,680Probe your ass.27900:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,360More to follow.28000:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,840Famous lines like, dude, that's interesting.28100:13:56,840 --> 00:13:57,840That's interesting.28200:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,840Has to be on a shirt.28300:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,840Words like typically.28400:14:02,840 --> 00:14:03,840Typically.28500:14:03,840 --> 00:14:11,720Motherfucking aliens.